


One Hundred Thousand Heartbeats

by starsandgraces



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-01
Updated: 2012-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 11:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandgraces/pseuds/starsandgraces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is missing, possibly dead, and getting him back will put the entire ship in danger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Hundred Thousand Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

> For [jou](http://jou.livejournal.com/) as part of the [kirk_sulu](http://kirk_sulu.livejournal.com/) winter exchange. Radiation sickness doesn't really work the way it's portrayed in the fic, so excuse the artistic licence. Whipped into shape by the wondrous [withthepilot](http://withthepilot.livejournal.com/).

"People don't just _disappear_."

But Jim has.

This time is more serious than most. Jim is alone somewhere on the surface of the planet and of the members of the away team who made it back, two are comatose and the other so hysterical that Doctor McCoy had to sedate him to prevent him from harming himself. The _Enterprise_ 's equipment isn't picking up any life signs due to an unusual type of radiation from the decaying star at the centre of the system. The radiation that caused their visit in the first place may have doomed Jim.

There is no way of telling what the away team encountered and what it might have done to their missing captain without sending another team to the surface, and Starfleet regulations won't allow that.

"They just don't," Lieutenant Sulu repeats, as if his words will have some effect on events that have already occurred. Spock has noted this behaviour in humans before—mostly in Jim, but they all tend towards doing it from what he's seen.

"Regardless, Lieutenant, it appears to have happened on this occasion. I understand your concern."

"Do you?"

There's an insubordinate tone in his voice that Spock has never heard from Sulu before. He resolves to choose his words with more care.

"I understand that your relationship with the captain is..." He trails off, thinking for a moment before he settles on the correct phrase. "Your relationship is more personal than most. But Jim is my friend and his safety is very important to me, even putting aside the fact that he's the captain."

Sulu looks him directly in the eye. "But you still think we should leave him, don't you? Even though there's time before the radiation reaches levels that our shields can't block, even though you _know_ what Captain Kirk is capable of when it comes to beating the odds."

"At what risk to other members of the crew? How many lives would you trade for his—how many do you think he would want to die for him?" Spock asks.

"None," he says after a pause, and Spock recognises shame on his features. "I'll go and get him, no one else has to risk their life."

"You are emotionally compromised," he says quietly, "and please believe me when I say that I know how that feels. I won't allow you to go in your current state. In fact, as acting captain, I believe it would be best if you were to retire to your quarters for the time being."

"Sir—"

" _Lieutenant_."

And just like that, Spock sees a familiar change in his demeanour. Not familiar in Sulu, but familiar in himself. Sulu has put up a wall between his emotions and the world.

"I understand, sir. Please, just—give him a fighting chance." In one final act of insubordination, Sulu doesn't wait for a response or a dismissal before he turns and leaves the ready room.

Under these circumstances, Spock isn't sure he can blame him. And that fact alone leads Spock to make the most illogical decision he can. It's emotional and against all common sense, but his time with humans has changed him.

He will break the rules. They won't leave Jim behind.

***

Approximately sixteen hours have passed since Jim was last seen. The third survivor of the away team lapsed into a coma similar to the others around the nine hour mark. Though nobody has said it outright, it's clear that no one expects they'll be recovering anything more than the captain's body—if they can even get to the surface of the planet.

But none of the crew has stopped trying.

Lieutenant Commander Scott and several teams of engineers have been working on one of the shuttles, ensuring it can withstand the radiation. They know the time constraints they're working under; too little time spent on the shuttle may mean inadequate shielding, but too much and no amount will protect the crew aboard.

Yet another team of engineers are working on the EV suits necessary for the mission. As the chances of the shuttle landing within visual range of Jim are so small as to be nonexistent, the away team will need to go looking for him.

Spock has already had more people than could fit in five shuttles volunteer to go on the mission. There are only three he won't even begin to consider: Sulu, McCoy, and himself. Though they all have different relationships with the captain, they're all too close to the situation to be impartial.

"God _dammit_ , Spock!" McCoy takes the news about as well as Spock had expected. "What if he needs urgent medical treatment on the surface?"

"You aren't the only doctor aboard," Spock replies. "Choose someone you trust to join the away team in your place. You can help Jim more by studying Kirschner, Grant and Byrne in case he returns in a similar condition, and preparing sickbay for his arrival."

"If you're wrong..." He lets the sentence hang unfinished, an unspoken threat that Spock would normally rise to. Riling up McCoy is one of the simpler pleasures in life. But not today.

He still raises an eyebrow. "I understand."

"Is Sulu still in his quarters?" McCoy asks suddenly. "He shouldn't be alone right now."

"I will ensure he is not."

Chekov is Sulu's friend, Spock knows, but he is busy in Engineering helping with calculations. Lieutenant Uhura is monitoring the comm channels in case Jim somehow manages to get a message through. Spock begins to think he might have to go himself—something which surely wouldn't help Sulu at this stage—when he passes an ensign who works with Sulu in the botany lab on occasion and sends him instead.

***

Twenty-one hours have passed before the shuttle finally launches. All logic suggests it's too late for Jim and that lingering much longer will endanger everyone. One of the physicists Spock has assigned to monitor the increasing radiation, Lieutenant Al-Khalili, estimates that they have four hours to safely leave the vicinity, and no more than seven before the situation becomes critical.

Spock regrets having to render Sulu unconscious to prevent him from attempting to pilot the shuttle down to the planet's surface himself. He hopes it was the right thing to do.

Now, with Sulu confined to his quarters once again, all they can do is wait. And this is possibly the hardest part. At least before, there was a goal for everyone to work towards. There was something to occupy Spock's mind other than the fact that he has blatantly disregarded regulation because of an emotional appeal by a crew member who is having an affair with his superior officer.

Logically, it was entirely the wrong decision. Spock just hopes that they can retrieve Jim alive and the matter will be settled by a positive outcome.

For some reason, all he can think about is Sulu and the look on his face when he realised he might lose Jim.

***

Twenty-eight hours. The _Enterprise_ needs to leave the system before the radiation destroys the engines entirely. There is no other option.

Spock is sitting in his quarters, attempting to meditate, when the audio transmission comes through. It's not much of a message, static-filled and distorted by the radiation, but it's enough for them to glean two important facts: the away team has recovered Jim, and he is alive.

He meets the shuttle as it lands, a medical team standing by. As the captain is carried out on a stretcher, he doesn't look particularly alive. It's clear that his ordeal has taken a heavy toll and—as Spock had feared would be the case—he has succumbed to the coma. If anyone can bring him out of it, it will be Leonard McCoy, though his reports suggest he's had little success so far with the other three comatose crew members.

So Spock is greatly surprised when Jim reaches out and grasps his wrist fiercely. "Spock," he says in a raspy voice. "Took y'r... time."

The skin on his palms is loose, shifting, _shedding_ from the radiation. Spock swallows his sudden nausea and fights the urge to pull away from the dying man who could kill him, too.

 _Everything will need to be decontaminated_ , he thinks, taking refuge in regulation. Aloud, he says, "You were difficult to find, Jim."

Jim's face splits in a smile—and the split continues beyond his mouth. He says something, too quietly for anyone to hear, and it seems as if the last of his energy reserves have finally been drained dry. But Spock knows what he wants. He pauses at a comm unit on the wall as the medics continue carrying the stretcher towards sickbay.

"Spock to Sulu," he says. "Your presence is required in sickbay. The captain—Jim—he's asking for you."


End file.
